i am that someone

for you cannot see what you don't want to see
you closed your ears and banned the moment
you are forgetting how to feel
how to touch the beauty without scratching

i've been bruised and i'll bruise again
you'll never know how it felt

i am that something

how can i not fall for you
if you give me those sweet words constantly
if you give me those kisses nights and days
if you hugs me and never let me go
if you make me feel like i'm the one

how can i not fall for you
if you looked at me like i'm the world
if you keep me beside you in front of your friends
if you spend days and nights with me
if you say i love you over and over again

how can i not fall for you
i'm just a normal girl who fall for someone like you
specially when you do the things you do
is it my fault then?



15.12.06/12.13.p.m

"Anyone who, can touch you, can hurt you, or heal you
Anyone who, can reach you, can love you, or leave you"
i bruise easily -natasha bedingfield

You want to stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep,
I was meant to tread the water
Now I've gotten in too deep,
For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away.

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
'Cause someday I might know my heart.

You already waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me,
And I can say I've never bought you flowers
I can't work out what the mean,
I never thought that I'd love someone,
That was someone else's dream.

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something,
'Cause someday I might call you from my heart,
But it might me a second too late,
And the words I could never say
Gonna come out anyway.

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something,
'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
'Cause someday I might know my heart.
Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart



a song by james morisson

you just scared the moon
you fight the blackened nights

can i love you but not love you?

for i love you but i don't....

the last cigarette

me, the night and half-pack of cigarettes
a cigarette, a fading romance and a cup of tea
a cigarette, a word and a hope
a cigarette, unbelievable thought and a smile
a cigarette, a faint love is coming to an end
a cigarette and a lonesome feeling
just me, the night and a cigarette

i wish you were my inspiration
my motivation to woke up everyday
my last thought before i sleep
my breath

i wish you were my strenght
my reason to smile
my cure of pain and tears
my love

i wish you were my prince charming
my perfect soulmate
my future husband

i wish you didn't do these things
i wish you were strong enough
i wish you were...

i don't know who to reach
i don't know who can help me
i don't know who can pull me up


but at least i know who i can't count on to....

i am lower than my average
crushed to be pieces
blown by the wind
repeating the same unanswered question

what am i ?
to you and to myself

i've wasted myself for you and that's nothing
worthless years and worthless thoughts
i am screaming love but you're too deaf
or too busy to hear

i have enough of you
enough of myself

i have reach my end of toughts

If you wanna be my friend
You want us to get along
Please do not expect me to
Wrap it up and keep it there
The observation I am doing could
Easily be understood
As cynical demeanour
But one of us misread...
And what do you know
It happened again

A friend is not a means
You utilize to get somewhere
Somehow I didn't notice
friendship is an end
What do you know
It happened again

How come no-one told me
All throughout history
The loneliest people
Were the ones who always spoke the truth
The ones who made a difference
By withstanding the indifference
I guess it's up to me now
Should I take that risk or just smile?

What do you know
It happened again
What do you know

misread, kings of convenience
Love is no big truth,driven by our genes,we are simple selfish beings.A symphony that's you,joyously awaking the ignorant and sleeping.

UNDER QUOTE

your sorry is not a sorry,
it's a way to blame anyone else

your thank is not a thank,
it's a way to buy anyone else

your smile is not a smile,
it's a way to cover the hurt that you've made

your friendship is not a friendship,
it's your way to compete

your words is not just words,
everything you've said were underquote

i love you without touching you
i love you without kissing you
i love you without holding your hand
i love you without feeling your skin
i love you without saying it
i love you without being with you
i love you without futures
i love you without promises
i love you without hopes
i love you with believing it
i love you with truly forever
and i know forever you'll love me too




i love you but we don't belong together

just leave, if you feel like so
but don't you say that i'm the one who left you
just go, if you want to
but don't you say that i'm the one who ran away
just lie, if you have to
but don't you say that i'm the one who don't understand
i am here, doing what i can, trying to understand
i am here, listening and watching, trying to be wise
but you're there, with your own life, your own faith
just do what you got to do
but don't expect me to live you life

duapuluh empat

waktu berdetik saat demi saat
menit demi menit melangkahi kedewasaan
garis bertambah kerut demi kerut
tahun demi tahun demi tahun
kemanakah aku berpulang ?


12 june 2006

ketika kau berhenti mencintaimu
emasnya bulan membiru, kelam, dingin
jauhnya hati, mati, tak ada lagi, berkerut
bintang turun, jatuh, memeluk tanah
maka keinginan tak lagi terucap
dan takkan nyata semua harapan
ketika aku berhenti mencintaimu
tak ada masa, takkan pernah ada
takkan terjadi...



august 4th, 2003
dear tio.....

aku sombong lalu murka termakan diri
sepi yang menangis, aku, tangis, dan sakit
lemah tak kuasa berkata dan berlaku
tangis, tangis, bosan telah sampai
tak tahu, bagaimana aku...


jan. 13th, 2003
butuh kamu

gading semua retak
cinta harus menyakitkan
tawa tak bahagia tanpa tangis
tak indah semua
tak bahagia semua
tak ada sesuatu apapun
sekecil apapun yang tak bercacat
karen Tuhan memang begitu
menciptakan semuanya bercacat
...termasuk kesempurnaan



24 juni '03
melihat cacat dalam kesempurnaan

gunung dan danau jatuh cinta
mereka bertahan pada asa
namun mereka tersadar dari mimpi
tuk bersatu... dibutuhkan bencana
di alam sekitar mereka...
tetaplah pada kehendak-Nya
danau mencintai angsa
gunung mencintai awan...
jangan berputus mengharap asa!
kan datang masanya
Disaat musim panas
terdengar sayup kepakan sayap
saatnya bersua angsa...


created by : Indah Amaryllis
06 april 2002

this was a poem that she gave to me when i was down and low
a poem that mean so much to me
a poem that gave me strenght

later someone gave another poem
a poem that breaks my hearts to pieces.....again......
this was the poem :

Danau mengering terpisah gunung,
gunung meranggas meratap danau
bukan angsa yang dibutuhkan danau,
dan awan bukanlah harapan gunung...
angsa dapat datang dan pergi seiring awan berhembus,
tapi hanyalah cinta yang abadi keberadaannya,
cinta yang sejati takkan datang untuk kedua kalinya...

_ _

tolonglah...
berjalan lebih cepat
putar detik itu
tolong, kalahkan jam demi jam
demi aku
tolonglah waktuku...
hanya kamu yang bisa sembuhkan luka ini

tolong...


august 5th, 2003

saat ini aku benci
bosan jadi diri sendiri
lelah berusaha kuat
berpegang pada kesendirian
ingkari waktu, detik, hari
lupakan kata sayang

saat ini aku benci
tak tahan merasa sendirian ...


dec. 29th, 2002
02.00 a.m.

boleh kupinjam bahagiamu
mungkin dapat buatku tersenyum
mungkin aku dapat tertidur

boleh kupinjam sakitmu
mungkin tawaku bisa mereda
mungkin mimpiku bisa berganti

boleh kupinjam sinarmu
yang kadang-kadang terlihat di balik matamu
yang terganti-ganti redupnya
mungkin aku suka

boleh kupinjam hidupmu
dan dirimu sekalian...
karena aku tak lagi kenal aku
dan hidup apa yang aku langkahi

mungkin kali ini cukup
mungkin kali ini aku bisa puas


june 26th, 2003

andai hidup ini bukan hidupku
dan membunuh jiwa sendiri bukan dosa
maka aku telah menjadi bintang...



11november2002

andai hari ini bukan hariku
bukan langkahku yang terjalan
bukan teriakku yang terlepas

andai hari ini bukan hariku
takkan kurasa sakit menusuk
menyekarati perasaan
dan aku lemah, lantak...

andai hari ini bukanhariku
dan pikiran ini bukan milikku
segala sesak juga bukan kepunyaanku

andai hidup ini bukan hidupku


11november2002

aku tidak memandang cinta dari agama dan suku

betapa sempurnanya aku

betapa bodohnya aku




apr. 18, 2002

harusnya tak ada rasa itu bila kutahu akan menyiksaku

harusnya kuenyahkan kau dari diriku tapi aku tak bisa

jadi maafkanlah aku karena hatiku memilihmu...



maafkan aku karena kau sangat berarti untukku
mei 22, 2002
22.24

aku terjaga dan bimbang

aku telanjang tanpa benang

oh, pertanyaan itu lagi....!!

apakah ini hasrat yang timbul karena cinta

atau cinta yang timbul karena hasrat ?


just a poem not my feelings
17 august 2002
00.30 a.m

i realize at last
it is myself i cannot defeat
it is my tears i cannot hold
it is my feelings i cannot change
it is my love i cannot hide



bandung, 11 august 1998